Let’s talk about frustration

I have reached peak frustration.

And it is because I feel like everything is my fault. And it is my problem alone to fix. This is obviously from 3 years of compounded no-one-helping-me. I am alone. So I must fix it on my own. And when I cannot fix it on my own. Then that is my fault. Not the fault of a failing NHS system. Not the fault of an over-privatised German health system. It is all my fault.

Let me tell you some of the things I’ve tried so far to “fix” my balance.

I have tried:

  • diet, complete migraine-free diet. No alcohol, cheese, smoked meats, onions, citric fruits etc. etc.
  • a variety of VRT exercises (found on the internet)
  • walking up to several hours a day
  • crying, alone and frustrated and wondering if I can really live like this the rest of my life

I feel if I just tried “harder” I’d fix it. If I did more exercise. If I did more VRT at home. If I were more strict with migraine-free diets. If I just did MORE I would fix it. But no matter how much I do. I always fail. And that is always my fault.

I am in the “peak” of my life, 29 years old. And I feel like I am at the end of it with this broken body.

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